WHITE RATS

A short story by Nusrat Rahmat

 WHITE RATS

From the diary of the woman day-labourer

When a driver of a rosy-coloured (I have seen this one for the first time) “Nexia” got off, Barno and I went close to him as others did. We put on a smile. This man was about forty years old, tall, firm and friendly. He looked through us and looking at me, approached me as if we were friends.

“Get in the car, - he ordered beckoning to the “Nexia”. I have a work for you.”

“Oh, we are two people”, I said beckoning to Barno.

“That’s fine, both of you can get in, -he said, I will bring two men labourers.”

He went to the place where the men were sitting; when I opened the door with worry, smooth perfume smelled so sweet in the car; we sat on the ironed and clean cloth covered seat.

“What will he order us to do? - Barno interested. We didn’t cut a deal with him on payment…”

“He looks like a good man, he won’t disappoint us”, - I said with hope.

He drove to the city and made clear his purpose.

“We didn’t do a deal with you, how much should I pay for you?”

“How much do you want? - I asked, you look like a generous man. It would be good if you let us go at six: we have children. We have to prepare dinner.”

“What is your name? -he asked unexpectedly.

I answered:

“Look at me, Malika, - he continued, - don’t you have a father and mother-in-law? You work all day, besides…”

“Her mother-in-law is dead”, -Barno answered instead of me.

We kept silence. The owner broke the silence again:

“Yeah, it is hard to you. What does your husband do?”

This man didn’t know that answering this question how much hard to me.

I didn’t say anything. My silence made him uneasy. He changed the theme to get out of the situation.

“There is a law of the nature to survive. It is called “Борьба за существование” in Russian. All of us obey this law.”

After talking about philosophy, he began giving information about himself. His name was Jovli (I had heard this name for the first time). He was from Farish; His father had been an official. After his death, he had to experience difficulties for surviving. He told a story to us, maybe he wanted to stay on good terms with us…

“Once upon a time, a king went hunting. He was thirsty and entered any of peasants’ occupation with his servants. The owner of the house showed a great respect to him and brought water to him. When the king looked, the peasant was living in poverty, his dresses were old and he himself was very thin… “You haven’t hit twelve in eight,” the king said to him. “I hit, my lord, the peasant said, but thirty-two didn’t let’. “Ok, the king said, I will send to you a goose, pull its feathers”.

When the king was returning to his castle, he asked his servant about the meaning of the talk with the peasant. He shrugged his shoulders. “If you don’t find until tomorrow, I will cut your head!” the king said with anger. The servant came to the castle with the king and quickly returned to the peasants. “Look at me, he said, take how much you want, but tell me the meaning of that talk!” “This is very simple, the peasant explained. The king said to me “You haven’t hit twelve in eight”- it means- you should think in summer about the food shortage in winter.  I beckoned to teeth, clearly, to food sent by God when I said: “Thirty-two didn’t let”. “What about a goose?”,- the servant asked again. “It is you, the peasant said: You said- take how much you want!

“Really, all problems matter that twenty-two,- Jovli continued, adding Russian idioms to his talk. You also go to the market and I come here to look for a day labourer. All of these are due to greed! The power which moves the whole society is greed! Sometimes stupid journalists write: “He thought his own business”. Not thinking about one’s own business is stupidity! One sage wrote: “Selfishness rules the world”. Pay attention to various officials: they claim that it is a betrayal of people’s trust to take possession of them. However, those officials themselves build a luxurious building with people’s money. They put the stolen money into bank accounts in foreign countries. I heard their secret proverb: “The people are the sea anyone who doesn’t steal their money is a pig”. We should lead such a life that every hand of the clock should creep for your benefit! If you cannot bring anything to your guest because of your honesty, it is better to be dishonest!”

He drove about three or four miles and turned to the left. Then he drove along the rough road; he stopped at the double gated and luxurious house.

The yard wasn’t tidy: boxes and bottles were spread on the ground. Teenagers and women were working very hard (due to twenty-two). It became evident that Jovli organized a private enterprise for producing mineral water. There was a huge basement under the buildings: lots of people were washing glass and bottles, pouring water which was flowing from the artesian well. Barno and I had to stick labels on one litre - closed plastic dishes. (The bottles were written: “Healing water of Zarafshan”, besides, ingredients and date were written). We learned some necessary things from a Tadjik woman and worked till afternoon. At twelve they invited all of us to a comfortable kitchen. The smell of fried onion was coming there; we brought soup for us. Jovli sat with us too and joked with us. He looked at several times wanting to say something, but there wasn’t the appropriate time. We had a shower at five and changed our work-clothes.

“Malika, you are so pretty, -Jovli said to me after I was out of the bath, taking money from his pocket, -four dollars each of you- if you change it into our currency it is five thousand sums. In a month it will be fifty thousand sums. My salary is fifty thousand sums. That means you are exploiting me. No matter what happens, hide it, don’t spend it.”

“We would hide it, but thirty-two doesn’t allow”, - I played a joke on him.

Jovli laughed out loud and asked politely.

“Did you graduate tenth grade?”

“Yes, I used to work at the university as a laboratory assistant”, -I don’t know why, but I wanted to feel proud of myself with my explanation.

“Well! Come tomorrow- there is work here. Malika, I may appoint you as a secretary or accountant. Think about it. Goodbye for now!”

“Shall we come here tomorrow”, - I said to Barno when we were returning home, -besides, he is offering me a full-time job. He looks like a nice man.

“He is a male white rat”, - she said as a response.

I was serious suddenly that regretting decided not to come back here again.

If you want to hear a story about a white rat, we have to look back.

***

When I came to their home as a bride, my father-in-law was working in the scientific research institute of veterinary science. Sometime later from our wedding day, he brought me with him there.

“You will work here as a laboratory assistant temporarily, next year you will enter the faculty of biology, then…”

I got acquainted with Barno there for the first time.  My father-in-law introduced her to me not to let me be bored. Barno told me that she was from our village and my father-in-law had brought her here too. Her job was to take care of white rats. There were lots of snow white, soft, brown-eyed animals in cages. They looked like a child with a rabbit.

“What will they do them?” - I asked.

“They will kill all of them, for the sake of science, -she said without any emotion. The snake is the symbol of medicine; the white rat is the symbol of veterinary science. Since hundred thousands of rats were killed for the sake of this science.”

“How?” -I wanted to hear more.

“They do experiments on them- check their patience: at low, high temperature, infectious diseases, radiation; they give new tablets and chemicals to them, then to cows and etc. They are so greedy that they eat their children unless I am careful.”

“Why do they do like that?” -I asked with sorrow.

“I don’t know, they care for their children in freedom, but in the cage… Maybe, this is their rebellion against oppression.”

I liked Barno. She was a bit decisive and clever, besides thinking philosophically. I was afraid when she caught a big rat and put it into the next cage. But she didn’t fear. “I let it enjoy before its death”, - she said. Later I knew that she had put a fame rat with a female. Firstly, they smelt each other, then, a male began to lick the female. Before the female was running away from him, but after some time she tended him and they began breeding. I laughed a lot then.

   Maybe, it is not necessary to say that Barno beckoned to this situation. My father-in-law was doing experiments on learning genetic disease in cattle. In my opinion, that year he began a scientific research on the disease of blood urination of cattle; he did experiments on breeding thoroughbred cows with oxen and in this way strengthening the immunity of cattle. But either the scientific committee or Tashkent didn’t confirm this topic; they pretended that productivity would drop as a result of this experiment. Besides, they recommended another theme. My father-in-law was very disappointed with them. In fact, a few experiments were done, but the dissertation wasn’t written. Although many explained to him, he accepted it as a failure and was so stressed.

In fact, it wasn’t the only failure, but it was the beginning of all troubles. My husband was studying at the third course in Veterinary science faculty. He and his uncle went to Tashkent to sell potatoes filling the car in summer. But we didn’t get any information about them after then. We were worried and began looking for them: our relatives went to markets and hotels, but couldn’t find them; the police also couldn’t help us. Then we read about a criminal group who were arrested and were going to be judged; these criminals used to bring peasants to the shore of the river pretending to buy their products wholesale,  kill them and take the peasants’ all things. I went to the trial with my father-in-law. The murderers were talking how they killed people for getting trivial things as if they had kill insects. The murderers told there was a young man and old man, besides the driver in the car came from Samarkand. But they couldn’t describe their appearance.

“The young man ran away seeing my gun- I shot him, I saw him, he was falling, but we couldn’t find his body, - a pale skinned, black-bearded devil.- We burned the car after unloading potatoes. “Maybe, they weren’t there, even if those were my husband and uncle, my husband ran away and he is alive”. This hope hasn’t left my heart.”

That bearded man’s admission shocked the crowd.

“That was a car coming from Surkhandarya” -the owners were a man and a woman. The chief killed the driver, I shot those two. When we looked, a boy was hiding in a bag. The chief ordered: “Kill him”, I said: “It is afternoon, I should read namaz”. But he disagreed. I stabbed him to death. When he was beginning to talk, he swore: “I am a Muslim. I don’t lie”. But he didn’t know that he insulted the nation with his words. When my father-in-law spoke, he emphasized his admission: “The more every religion or nation is proud of their brave children, the more they are ashamed of their disobedient children” -he said.

I had a one-year-old daughter and I was pregnant then. It seemed to me that all happiness in the world was over: we forgot to smile. They wanted to give a name Yodgor to a baby born after four months, but I disagreed and called him Umid. But those weren’t all our troubles- my mother-in-law died soon. She couldn’t stand his single son’s death: she contracted with diabetes and passed away after one year. When you face failure once, then it doesn’t end: workers faced redundancy in our institute. First, lots of cleaners, laboratory workers, Barno also left the institute. I had to take care of rats for two months. Then they didn’t fire my father-in-law and me officially, but they stopped to pay for us. Soon we had to lend money and owed to many people. One of those days I knelt down in front of my father-in-law and…

I am sorry but I wanted to say something which wasn’t related to the topic. One day while I was watching a soap opera called “Oshin”, I witnessed an unforgettable event. Her husband was so tired to feed his family that one day he kicked his wife - Oshin. The poor woman rolled down and standing up quickly knelt in front of his husband, bowed down before him. She apologized to him. Her husband also regretted his action and apologized to her. He felt that his wife wasn’t guilty of the trouble and making their livelihood was the reason for their all problems. I understood from this situation that for the family all had to be forgivable. “If my husband comes back and kicks me, I will bow down before him as Oshin did”, -I said to myself. Then I exercised with inner hope. Firstly, ten minutes, then twenty minutes; now I can sit in this state for an hour. I knelt down in front of my dearest person, my father and the person who knows how to live with sorrows and troubles- my father-in-law and asked him with a shame.

“May I go working with Barno?”

I knew that Barno was working as a day labourer from that day. I had asked her some secrets of this work. A big day labour market appeared near to our village- along the Tashkent-Termiz street. This market fed lots of people. Have you noticed that a mountain feeds people living in a mountain and the sea feeds people who live along a sea? The former feed cattle in the mountain, collect hay; they sell flowers and herbs and make peace the thirty-two. The latter sell fish and live for it. In our village, men and women know this market as the ground for fighting livelihood, the castle of hope.

“No!” -he said loudly.

In fact, my father-in-law couldn’t imagine his daughter-in-law as a day labourer, he was ashamed of it. But we had no way: poverty was killing us.

After some weeks I spoke in a different voice:

“Barno is offering me to cut leaves of vine, may I go?”

He kept silence.

I won’t forget the day when I first went to the day labour market. There were more than a thousand men and women in that morning meeting. According to my friend’s explanation, people from the neighbouring villages came to there.

“We shouldn’t go toward those women, she said beckoned to the strangely dressed women gathered under the tree. They are prostitutes!”

Even though I heard about them before, I began to watch them, but that time a customer came to us. Fortunately, a middle-aged peasant was going to take us to cut leaves of the vine. After making a deal with him on money, we got in “Damas” and went to the neighbouring village. That day understood that this uncle just became a farmer, but he must have been owed to someone, he was living like us: we didn’t eat a meal for lunch, but had to satisfy with jam and bread. I begged to Barno after we worked for a week there.

“Can you lend me some money? If I don’t pay for the butcher and the salesman, my father-in-law cannot go out from shame.”

She agreed, she remembered my father-in-law’s help to her and praised him.

***

I had seen that kind of huge and charming garden for the first time. You feel that you suddenly entered a majestic and virgin place. Attractive flowers make your feelings wake up and calm your spirit. Wet asphalt paths attract you to the four sides of the garden.

When you entered the gate (it was made from engraved wood), you came across a lime-tree, an oak, a pine and scenic and fruit trees which many of us did not know. In the middle, there was a field camp made high and its stairs are marble dome.

Together with us a lot of people were busy with cleaning brooks, sweeping and splashing water. In the field camp people decorated the table and from there the smell of linseed – all of this testified visitation of many delicate guests.

The man who brought us there divided to the leaders. He introduced me to the old man who was fixing a chair, looks like my father in law at the age of sixty, medium height and gentle.

“Is it enough for one person?”

“Enough, -he answered shortly and asked happily: Did brother Ulmas know sister’s visit?”

He nodded making a gesture “yes”. With the uncle’s task, I began to whiten fir tree and all of us called “Russian pine tree”. When I have finished the second tree, I heard a voice: “has a sister come?” Many of them was a panic, leaders went to the door. But the uncle smiled, I did not realize any expression. It is a strange situation. If I gave a characterization about the guest who was charmed with people’s respect. You had to imagine a 45-year-old good hearted woman. Her figure and precious dresses, gold, diamond jewellery, arrogant move attracted anyone. Young woman has spoken to Uzbek and Tadjik people who were around her tried to make people pleased and managed it.

“No, no, she said, - I do not drink tea- I missed the garden and missed you: Firstly, I need to go for a walk.”

She was around the people and stepped slowly, grandly dreaming of at two sides of the road in which planted silver trees. I saw an unknown lake and ducks swimming at the beginning of the road.

“Ops, I wish I would bring the fishing rod”, -said the guest screamed like a child.

“There is a fishing rod, sister, someone said with gentle.”

“Do your work, go! I want to walk alone”, -she said. But no one left her. Because it was not too difficult to understand the sister when she told this just for the compliment.

The locals were similar to those actors who were performing their role. I looked at the uncle and felt the apparent anguish on his face, an expression of anger toward this situation. Whether unpleasant memories torment the heart or he did not like fussiness- it was difficult to say something. We continued to me do our work. After some time, the guest appeared on our road. He was explaining something to a woman and a man next to him.

“Can it really be true that there is not a place where resting people in the all of this region?” -I told the big session. They agreed to give money - we fenced around. I solved this field camp throw Moscow. At that time the leader himself divide asphalt. There was not any gate in the garden.

After hearing that, I remembered my father in law’s words:” Every official think that he is the best humanist, just, honest in the world. They approached us. Sister saw the uncle, carelessness and her satisfied appearance changed.

“Are you fine? Is my friend Okay?” - asked urgently putting hands on the breast. It is not difficult to feel confusion, repentance and some imperfection by her speaking while shocking.

“My wife’s died, -told the uncle with coolness. Six months ago…”

The sister was nervous about this dull answer and she was constantly speaking out of the situation.

“Wow, I haven’t heard about it! No one said to me. (He looked around strangely). Have you heard that I faced a lot of troubles: I was fired unjustly, I was in an accident my rib was broken as the reason for this person and this place.”

“No, Do not say about that, leave it,-interrupted the guest’s word and taking into consideration his mind, uncle began to speak quietly. There is no difference between person’s value and an ant, it is possible to damage”, -said to some people.

Leadership also effected to the people. We may say this garden, until making fence its around, people entered, touched fruits. They screamed drinking tipsy, I scared of trampling flowers and branches and chased back of the fence. Do not say “I organized this garden”, - it is not good. You studied at school when this place was being made from groves; At that time your father sold pie. There was a big ravine under your feet, the water of lake came in this places. I found a bulldozer and a tractor and had this place smoothened. I brought the apricots (which you made fence) from Uratepa- its dried apricot would be the best seller. All of them are lost. Fortunately, our apple was not cut. There was not a kind of apple called “Sevi safed” anywhere except us. There was the pear "dilafro’z" instead of field camp. Each of them equal to handalak, caterpillar did not eat it; my friend (Who is from Tashkent?) found the branch. It was also cut, but, thanks to God, managed to take well.” The garden would be leader’s yard”,-it is said that. I entered your room, did you remember? It was your reception day: there was a public prosecutor at your right side, and the police officer sat at your left side. Oh my God: The Emir of Bukhara did not also show himself like this. It is impossible to speak with people by the way! As I speak about the garden: You said: “It is not yours – it belongs to the farm”. It was strange time: Creating the garden. I had to give it to the farm at that system belonging to private was a crime. But chairman was honest: He gave permission me to be the gardener. I also asked only that from you. I was going to say to designate to the garden security guard or gardener. I do not want to be destroyed. But you did not want to hear me! I could not understand the reason for obstinacy until now. I felt sorry for coming in you. I did not give permission when my late wife wanted to visit you.

The guard didn’t let me enter; I walked along the barrier and watched the trees which I planted and counted them. I felt sorry when I saw any branches broken.

There was silence. It was clear that the Sister didn’t expect these complaints, was ashamed of the people near here and was going to refuse to say something. A calm uncle couldn’t sit still watching her.

“It is an injustice not to admit the service our sister did…”

“Yeah, your Sister did good things thinking people”, -the uncle cut his words, but worthless people increased around her. Decades of men were following her when she went somewhere or while she has come to the garden. They were various officials. When your Sister came to work in the morning, they welcomed her and went with her to her home after work. They laughed at her calling “Catherine”. Your Sister didn’t say them: “Go your own business”, but she ended her relationship with an official who didn’t pay attention to her. Honest chairmen died from heart attack. But it is our habit to worship a person or to show ourselves as if we are doing this. During that period the Independence was announced. The Sister became the head of the region. She sold buildings and lands when the government began to give those people as private property…

“You don’t have a proof!  The guest disagreed for the first time, raising her voice a bit.”

“I have a proof, -the uncle said, staring at her face in a calm manner. I know exactly how much money Ulmas gave for this garden! Ulmas rich was a clever man” -the next he found me and said: “The owner of the garden is yours”. He also told that you became very greed. You shouldn’t think people so stupid- they were talking to whom and how much money you sold the land. You cannot stop them. They knew that you bribed to the upper organizations. On TV we watched you gave a wheelchair to unable people and contributed to poor people. People made up jokes on you pretended to be generous by spending a trivial amount of money which you got secretly. If there is a joke on the chief, know that there is something else! Is it possible to be so greed?! Don’t think that I am telling these because I have a revenge for you. You should understand that I am telling you because I am sorry for you! If you had resigned voluntarily, they wouldn’t have dismissed you. I liked you as my daughter…

“It was that kind of period”, -the woman said.

It was difficult to understand whether she blamed for all the period or wanted to change the theme.

“When you were a chief secretary, there was a motto on the top of your office: All things are for people, for people’s happiness”; not only at your office but also in the wall of the jail were written those words. But in reality, all things were for the officials, for their flourishing. However, blaming the period for all is dishonesty! We cannot achieve anything if we don’t criticize ourselves, fight our desires learn from our mistakes! Our selfishness and stubbornness will destroy us.

The unpleasant silence was there.

-Now go: they have been waiting for you long in the field camp, goodbye,- the uncle said with kindness this time and continued his work.

The guest became unhappy she was going to say something first, but she was pleased that she got rid of the unpleasant meeting and complaints. She went on her way. I looked through the uncle: he reminded a man who removed heavyweight from the shoulder and was content with his work. I don’t know why, but I liked this man.

The Sister didn’t stay in the field camp no longer, maybe, she was worried about something so she was ready to leave. When she was saying goodbye to people, the uncle spoke to me.

“My daughter, what is your name?”

I told him my name.

“My late wife’s name was Malika too, -he said and requested: I will pick a bunch of flowers- give it to the Sister. I made her annoyed. Her father was a nice fellow…”

I didn’t agree yet, but he went into the garden and soon brought a bunch of flowers. Roses were on the edges of the bouquet, tiny-leafed basil and dandelions were in the middle; the bouquet was tied with the bark of mulberry quickly. I put off my work-clothes and hurry to the gate. The guest had already got into the back seat of the car. I went through the crowd and faced to the Sister.

“The uncle gave it to you”, - I said beckoning to the garden.

Her face was sad, then she smiled and warm feelings appeared on her face again.

We were returning home. When I was talking whole story to Barno, she cut short my word.

“That woman passed us” -she looked like very beautiful when she was young. People said that she had got married twice. She was very honoured: she always helps the poor, had a big market built here. Now she has her own restaurants and greenhouses.

“Why did people today to her?” -I asked.

“Those people used to bow down her before. If they suddenly stop showing respect to her, their hypocrisy will be clear”, -she said.

I didn’t refuse her opinion and told her about the sister’s meeting with the gardener uncle in detail.

“There are lots of honest people in the world”, - she said. Do you remember Jovli? He is extremely selfish -he said that selfishness ruled the world. We should show him these! In fact, the world owes to these kinds of people.”

“Or for example, my father-in-law” -he cooks a meal before I go home he brings my children from the kindergarten. There isn’t any personal benefit in these things.

We planned to ask a response to our question when we saw Jovli.

***

  I saw Jovli several months later.

We washed the rich’s carpets during this time, and I did my household chores because no one offered us work. Barno didn’t go to work as a dog bit her son- we picked tomatoes with other women.

When we stood in our usual place earlier than usual, some kind of familiar voice:

“My Malika is here”, -he said.

I was afraid, turned around and saw Jovli.

“You are so pretty,- he said in a low voice, but I don’t understand why are you wasting your beauty in the day labour market. If only you know whom you remind me! Alas! You place is…”

His treatment seemed to be unpleasant that I didn’t recognize his words and beckoned to the women sitting under the tree:

“The women you told are there!”

My response seemed him such shameless that his face changed a lot.

“Look at me, -said hiding his anger. In ancient Rome royal women swam naked in front of male slaves, because those women didn’t look those men as a human being. But I am not a slave! I am Jovli who can be with any beauties! You just reminded me of one the woman.”

I was worried about this unpleasant situation and went another side. He took several women, Barno also and drove away his car. I was upset with Barno for leaving me alone in that situation. But next day she blamed me.

“Now is the time that you should think of you. You should have gone. We would have told those words to him when we had had a chance. You shouldn’t be angry at those men’s joke.”

“He reminded me of the male white rat.”

“Dear, Malika! Do we have any difference from the white rat? I feel sorry for myself. We used to feed those white rats in a warm and clean place and for their water and food. Who takes care of us? The whole winter we had neither gas nor the electricity. Last winter we couldn’t afford to buy coal, the firewood ran out in a month. You know that my son is studying at the college in the city. I give one thousand and a half sums every day for his daily expenses. Besides, a dog bit him when they brought college students to cotton-picking. When I went to see him, he was lying in a large hall alone- I was humiliated. His foot swelled. Why didn’t they get him to the hospital?! Devil doctors had said: “It isn’t serious”. I took him to hospital. “Firstly, you should find that dog- it may be a rabid dog,” the doctors said. Where will I find it- there are lots of wild dogs in villages?! They said, “In this case, we have to inject him in his navel”. I agreed. They took both my soul and money. But until now I am living in worry- if that dog was a rabid dog, my son may die. You talk about white rats. Sometimes I feel that both nature and the society are doing experiments us.”

Thad day when Barno went with Jovli, I was waiting for an owner who would offer work. The police came to the day labour market. They ordered all of us to stay on the other side of the street. It was told that last week a journalist interviewed several women. Of course, they had told that they had to come here to find a slice of bread to survive. But that journalist told the completely different story. “It is a wrong thing that they are doing day labour. They are ruining Uzbek women’s reputation”. I don’t understand why journalists always add the nation in every matter. If there is a well-paid job and high salary, I also refuse this work. That journalist wasn’t content with it and criticized the government of the district.  The worst thing was that the police checked all the drivers’s driving licenses and told that there was no parking zone. Most of the day labourers returned their homes.

In the afternoon when we were returning to the village, a “Nexia” stopped suddenly in front of us. All of us were afraid. A fatty dark-skinned man who was around sixty got off it. He looked calm and bold.

“Will you serve at the wedding”, -he asked and not waiting for our responses he opened the back door of the car. It was very good for us, so we got into the car without making a deal.

When we entered the house where the wedding was being held, kabob smelled so good. Its smell was mouthwatering. The yard was decorated; the environment here was very pleasing. The wedding didn’t start yet. They ordered us various chores according to our age and behaviour (maybe, according to our beauty). They ordered a girl and me to be a waitress and gave white smocks to us. They also gave some directions and ordered us to smile. Others were ordered to wash the dishes and cleaning chores. I understood that the man resigned lately and moved to his village some time ago. But either he wasn’t on good terms with his neighbours or argued with the head of the neighbourhood, he brought us here to serve.

“They don’t appreciate your kindness”, -I heard a woman’s complaint (Later I knew that she was his wife).

“That’s fine, the meal won’t be squandered”, -her husband said.

Guests began coming. Servants and relatives also increased. They announced that famous singer came. Both of us were looking at the table attentively and bringing necessary things. We showed great respect to the guests. We felt happy with our work. The wedding ceremony was going to end. Then the servants told about someone’s visit. It was the head of the neighbourhood. He came with his close people. If I described this man, he was wearing a skull-cap, with a beard. He was a religious, and old man. You think that he was born being the head of the neighbourhood watching him apologizing for a lot and good behaviour. No, I am not going to tell that he is perfect. In fact, either he had something extra or lack of something could be seen.

According to the owner’s order, servants prepared a special table for the head of the neighbourhood and the owner himself. They prayed for God.

When I brought newly baked bread and tea in a tray, the owner talked to his partner and me at the same time.

“When I was abroad, a negro waiter stood up next to my table. I said to him being uncomfortable: “Sit with us”. He said: “No, I cannot”. I said: “Ok, let’s stay in a distance in that case”. “I cannot do this too”, -he said. But you, my daughter, don’t stay away- stay here!” -he said shaking his index finger.

“I am sorry, we are late, -the head of the neighbourhood repeated again. We are busy with collecting money for gas.”

“But there is no gas, why are you collecting money? Look, I paid for gas, but heated the house with firewood. I think that this is more comfortable for the governors: they may sell gas as much as they want to pretend the payment for gas. Do they have the conscience? The people lost their hope. They blame themselves and their neighbours.”

“At our time…”

“Stop, don’t praise our time, -the owner cut short his words. That’s right that that time looked like a burning fire to us. Because we were young, active; we were officials of the Soviet period, but the chief is always guilty. We couldn’t complain about that time, but there was nothing to praise. I understood being at sixty that when your mother gives birth to you is your fate or your happiness. You and I are witnesses of two societies and two centuries.”

His partner didn’t understand the owner’s words, so he explained.- We experienced socialism. Now we are living in the period of capitalism which we ignored. We lived in the twentieth century. And we stepped into the twenty-first century. I guess people who will be born forty or fifty years later will be blissfully happy.

“I believe it too; but didn’t we build the foundation of that happiness? Pray to God. May God save us from wars and disasters…”

“From revolutions too… I came to the conclusion that any war and revolution are the fight of the people against no one, but themselves. But why people hate wars and revolutions and take guns is impossible to understand. I think there is a power which we haven’t perceived- we are dolls in the hands of history.”

“The power you told is God!”

“I also believe in God, but not the way you do!”

It wasn’t difficult to understand that the head of the neighbourhood didn’t like his words. He began talking being angry: he began his word saying that everyone finds what they look for and is awarded what they did. At that time I was busy with my chores and couldn’t hear his didactic words. When I brought a napkin, he was continuing:

“I read some book: It is a normal condition being an extremist at the young age and being a compromiser at old age”. It is true that talented person isn’t perfect for Uzbek people. But I don’t understand people who remain stubborn although they face challenges in life. Isn’t it strange that you don’t understand your nation and your nation don’t understand you?! Maybe, is it something that Devil possessed the space in the soul?”

“I understand your purpose, -the owner continued raising his voice. You used to be a chief secretary. You became religious after the Independence was announced. You took your hat off and put on turban; you read Namaz five times a day; you call people to the mosque and blame people like me for atheism. But I blame the people who find religion as the only hope as I blamed them in the Soviet period. I said above that: “I also believe in God, but not like you”. Once fanatics blamed Avicenna for being pagan: he said: “If I am pagan, in this case, there is no any Muslim in the world”. If we haven’t looked for new beliefs, we cannot achieve anything now too. I ran away from the village to the city thinking that the reason of our spiritual lacks was civilization. I have read that “The place where your dear person was buried calls you”. I moved to here with satisfying hopes that my parents were buried here, I’ll stay in the village; I will keep honey bees, feed sheep, a plant trees. But soon I understood that keeping honeybees and sheep wasn’t for me. People talk only about the lack of gas and electricity and worries on people who went abroad to work. I think now, there are people with whom I can share my opinion. Isn’t it the most important thing for people? The blind is the best leader in the dark night. They are good at showing directions at night, but I don’t understand people who follow them in the daylight.”

“It is said that the world is a big stable, -the head of the neighbourhood went on, -even though you clean it much, you can find dung. I am not pleased with the people who see only dung in it. For example, our new governor: he attends local meetings, he is humble: look at this organization of public services and amenities…”

“I won’t give my hand if I see him drowning! I would let him drown. You told about an organization of public services and amenities. There is not any good street in ancient Samarkand and its neighbourhoods. Can you believe the house is good if the way leading it is bad?! This man should shame to attend local meetings! Ok, I don’t speak about the problems of gas, electricity and unemployment! “Democracy is good, but Democrats aren’t,” some journalist said one day on TV.”

The head of the neighbourhood didn’t raise his voice but he was going to explain his opinion. His partner again refused him with stubbornness and his knowledge. They didn’t want to argue with each other, so they ordered me to put palov on the table. Then the topic was changed.

After all the dishes had been washed, we went home.

***

Her name was Leylo, she spoke with her father in Russian and with her mother in Azeri. Every nation in the world considers their girls the most beautiful. It is true that in the mass media Japanese and Pamir girls are praised, but everyone has their own opinion about it. Obviously, if I praised Uzbek girls, I would be patriotic. However, I considered that Azeri girls were the most beautiful. In my opinion, their blood is pure; national pride and religion prevented it. Pay attention: their hair and eyebrows are dark; their faces are white. Their eyes are beautiful large dark, their figures are slim. My Leylo was like that. When I saw you for the first time, I was excited as I had seen my first love. My feelings were woken up. Your beautiful face, dark eyebrows, pure lips reminded me of my proud youth…

In this part, I should go back and explain you all, if not you will be confused. In the labour market, there is a factor called work season. In spring, autumn and summer demand for the workforce increases, and prices also rise. At that time, the number of day labourers rises. But there are “dead seasons” and you are tired waiting for work. One day Barno offered to go to Jovli’s office. She remembered his words: “There will be work at any time you come”.

Jovli was pleased seeing us, he complimented to me. We stock labels on “Healing water of Zarafshan”. He brought us to his apartment. When we saw the large screened TV, big fridge, luxurious furniture, we stood to look at them. All of these seemed to remind us how much worthless we were. We washed the curtains quickly and Jovli was satisfied and hosted a banquet for us.

Today labels and glue ran out and Jovli offered me to go with him to bring them. I didn’t refuse and sat in the back seat. This was very good opportunity to say what I thought. When we went on the road, I started talking about the gardener uncle. I emphasized that the world was beautiful not with selfish people, but that kind of honest and self-sacrificing people.

“No, - he refused sharply, -your uncle also built that garden to earn money and respect. He told off Catherine because she was a barrier on his way.”

I understood that I couldn’t argue with him and didn’t say anything. Jovli couldn’t find a person who we needed and turned the steering wheel to his apartment. “Have a rest here, he said and gave me his key, after finishing my work, I will pick you up”. I entered the apartment and had a shower. Then I began preparing dinner. He came late and seemed happy. Then he lied to side other n the sofa and began telling a story about his first love or Leylo. At first, I was worried and ashamed, but later I felt that I had to feel free.

“…that time I was studying at the third course at university, -Jovli continued his adventure. Our summer holiday finished. Then a beautiful girl came to the lecture hall and she attracted everybody’s attention. Even students who had never looked at girls watched this girl secretly. She was tall, slim and walked raising her breast. Her dresses were different from others’. They were a mixture of Asian and European style. Later we knew that her name was Leylo and she moved there recently. Most of the boys decided to attract her attention, and So did I. She was strange: she didn’t upset anyone and got on well with them. At the first week, I invited her to drink coffee with shame and she accepted without hesitation. Even though we talked only about professors and lectures, I loved her deeply. I began to dream about her clear face and speech in a special dialect. Almost every day I offered her to coffee or ice-cream, she accepted my offer without refusal. I gave presents to her. That time my father was the director of the construction company: money wasn’t problem for me. I went to their home pretending to get her note taking. Even though they lived in rented accommodation, they were wealthy people. I got along well with Leylo’s father. He was a doctor and you couldn’t guess his age. But her mother wasn’t pleased with my visit although she was kind to me. Then I began visiting their home frequently (buying some things). All were good, but I was worried that the girl didn’t show any inclination. She looked like marble: smooth, bright, but cold. After our holiday had started, Leylo was going to her aunt’s. She offered me to go with her. I agreed, because it was a good chance to attract her. I bought tickets and gifts on that day. On the way, I was kind to her and cared for her. Her relatives welcomed us and we were entertained in their hospitality. But next day an event happened that I was very disappointed with it. When I was watching TV in the living room, I saw Leylo talking and smiling with a well-dressed Azeri boy. Her aunt also was smiling next to them. You cannot imagine how annoying those were to me. I behaved myself. The next day Leylo told me: “Jovli, you may return, I am going to stay here for a few days”. She hurt me. Even though I returned to Samarkand alone, I was still hoping. But soon I heard Leylo was married there. My heart was broken. My devotion to a woman was completely lost. I came to this conclusion: love existed only in books. I hated myself because they used me as a cashier. However, I couldn’t forget Leylo. I am very excited when I see girls like Leylo. Have you understand why I love you?”

I just nodded my head. Jovli slightly sighed and took a control panel. I didn’t know that he had hundreds of television channels. When he pressed a button- a half-naked girl appeared on the screen. “Don’t waste the youth, come, my bed is looking forward to you?” she said in Russian; she also said her phone number. It seemed strange to me that this kind of shamelessness was given on TV. “Change to another,” I said. A herd of deer was shown in this channel: they were running to the mountain.

Jovli complimented me and I don’t know why I stopped refusing him. Since his kindness woke up secret warmth and desire in my heart. I didn’t want to hinder him from touching my shoulder; feeling man’s smell I sighed. Firstly a herd of deer, then a white rat eating its child appeared in front of my eye.

After some time Jovli hurried to undo my breast button:

“Ah! Ah! Ah!” -he said excitingly.